09 Mar 2017
Picture the scene: you dial the number and she picks up. “Hello mam,” you say, voice shaking, “I need to talk to you. It’s about where I’m living.”
Your mammy goes quiet.
“The landlord wants to sell the property,” you continue. “And much as I love the apartment, I can’t afford to buy it. So I was thinking, can I move back in with you and start saving for a mortgage?”
It’s not how you planned your life panning out but don’t worry! You’re not alone in having to ring your ma to ask about moving home.
Irish 20 and 30-somethings are flocking home—or never leaving—because they want to start saving for a mortgage and the gaff of their dreams.
And Irish kidults are not the only ones moving home: across Europe the trend of grown-ups moving home is on the up. Moving back to your mam’s can be a painful process for both parties, but not if you set some ground rules at the start.
How to set ground rules so you and your Ma can live together in peace
Since you and the sibs flew the nest, your mam’s probably gotten used to having the house to herself. To make this work, it’s a good idea to set some house rules and actually stick to them.
No reverting to old teenage habits here!
1. Pay your way
You’ve done your sums to save for your mortgage; be sure you include what you’ll contribute to the household each week. Discuss this with your mam and don’t assume you can stay for free. Agree the amount and set up a direct debit. Worst thing you can do is take your mammy’s good nature for granted!
When the time comes for your mortgage application this will also help show your lender you were good with the monthly rental payments.
2. Lay out a schedule of who does what
She’ll always be your mother but she’s no longer cooking your dinner, doing your laundry and generally picking up after you – so be clear about who does what around the house. Speaking of laundry, never leave her wet washing in a pile because you want to use the dryer. This little habit could drive your mother to distraction. And as for leaving the immersion on – don’t even go there.
3. You don’t own the remote
Now that you’re back home, you’re going to have to share the remote even if that means watching Strictly when you’d rather be watching Gogglebox. This is your mam’s home and for now, you’re a guest, so compromise.
Since you can pre-record all your TV viewing or find it on Player, there’s no problem. Soon you’ll be watching Mary Berry’s cookery shows together!
4. Clean as you go
Start as you mean to go on: from day one clean the kitchen as you go, keep your room reasonably tidy and keep your shared living space in good nick. It’s pretty easy really: if you clean as you go, there can be no fights about whose turn it is to do the washing up.
5. Buy your own basics
Have you ever shared a house with someone who thinks nothing of lathering their hair with your Kerastase or ‘borrowing’ your homemade muesli? Sharing your space doesn’t mean sharing absolutely everything in it. If you buy your own basics there should be no falling out with your mam, unless of course she takes a fancy to your Jo Malone.
6. Late home texts
We know you’re an adult but if you’re going to be home late, your mam will worry – whether you want her to or not. So a quick text to let her know you’re staying at a friend’s or going to be late is just good manners. You’d text a flatmate or boyfriend if you were late, so why not your mam?
7. Be thankful
You’ve no idea how huge a change it is for a parent when a kidult comes back to live at home. It’s good to keep in mind that it’s a massive adjustment for your mammy too. Don’t forget to be grateful that she’s helping you out. A spontaneous bunch of flowers or trip to the movies together is all it takes, and saying thank you really helps.
So if you think you can live with your mam for a year and save enough to get on the property ladder, use our handy mortgage calculator to do the sums.
You can also book a 30 Minute Mortgage Meeting to talk to one of our experts and make that dream house a reality.
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